Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Review: Lay's

Hello, hello everyone. While I wait for Sims 2 to download (another 3 weeks 2 days to go) and neglect my homework in the process I've decided to write another review, this time for my favourite potato chips - Lay's!

When I was a kid I loved ice cream. I loved ice cream so much that I ate it everyday, got a stomachache, and decided that I didn't love it anymore. Another thing I truly loved was potato chips, or any junk food for that matter, but potato chips speaks to my heart like a true Romeo. Anyhow, to give you an example of how much I loved potato chips:

One day I brought a pack (it was Jack and Jill's) to my French language class, attempted to open it under my desk because I was feelin' the bored, and then I got this look from my teacher that should I ever attempt to riot against French language classes at Bishan in future I will think of that look and shudder, wilt, die. Because it was a scary look. It was a look that said YOU NEED TO STOP DISRUPTING MY CLASS AND GETTING 3.5/15 FOR YOUR FRENCH TESTS.

It was me opening the potato chips under the desk causing a ruckus.

Anyhow, that's not the point. The point is that I loved potato chips so much I risked my life to eat it.

Which is why Lay's potato chips is very special to me:




Hello my middle name is I Steal Images from Google Images!


Although I would prefer the can version:




Raindrops are falling from the sky!


I would feel that the only difference between a pack of Lay's and its can version is the thickness of the chip, ie. how much you get froma bite. Lay's chips in a can is definitely thicker than Lay's chip in a pack, and if I were going to be ever anal with my estimation, let me pick up a ruler and say possibly by a millimetre.

Now, if you are going to ask me, how can you be so anal it's just a millimetre?!

DO YOU THINK THE ARCHITECTS SAID THAT WHEN THEY DESIGNED THE EIFFEL TOWER?

Picture this.

ARCHITECT ONE: Hey Brother, I woke up and had an epiphany.
ARCHITECT ONE: So I was at the Louvre and they were showing this painting of some woman with a forehead and I was like eh, SHE IS TOTALLY CUTE and then I realised all of life's sins stem from temptation, my youth is fleeting and then I decided, I will build a tower to depict this divine revelation right smack in the middle of Paris. WILL BE NAMED AFTER MYSELF. Comprenez-vous?
ARCHITECT TWO: Ce vin est magnifique!
ARCHITECT ONE: So glad you agree. Anyhow, here's the sketch.
ARCHITECT TWO: Eh Monsieur Gustave, but that's a- that's a cat?
ARCHITECT ONE: Awww mannn!! Are Edisons not allowed to doodle anymore? Check out the thing next to it!
ARCHITECT TWO: A building? In the middle of Paris?
ARCHITECT ONE: WOMAN, HAVE YOU NOT BEEN LISTENING TO ME. The tower embodies all of humanity's desires! Its shape is a symbol of the absolute truth! This is my life ambition! The crux of my career! This is what's going to fire your lazy ass if you don't write that proposal right now!
ARCHITECT TWO: No wait Monsieur-- but this is-- don't you realise that the measurements are off by a--
ARCHITECT ONE: Here, have an escargot.


Exactly. A millimetre is paramount to all aspects of life and my tastebuds are testimony of that.

Lay's canned potato chips are thick, delicious and unassuming. You don't have to be a millionaire to eat it. See, I went to NTUC just now and bought a can for $2.35 (Christmas special!) which means that if you have a steady income and a steady boyfriend, YOU CAN EAT IT EVERY HOUR OF YOUR LIFE. (Although I will say a silent prayer for your digestive juices and send you off to that sacred journey.)

Yes, you're right!

The best part is, Lay's is not like any other potato chips.

Let's see the comparisons:

1. Lay's VS Jack 'n Jill:

When I was a little kid, young and innocent and didn't know better, I used to love Jack n Jill's. It was my favourite potato chip; I was immensely addicted. And then a day came when there was a French class and there was a break and there was this friend of mine who saw my potato chips and asked, "Can I have one?" and before I could answer, she PLOWED HER FINGERS INTO MY CHIPS.

Her fingernails were also long and nourished with soft, grey dirt.

From that day onwards, for every Jack 'n Jill potato chips that I buy the image of a girl with long fingernails nourished with soft, grey dirt plowing into my lifeline will forever be embedded in my mind. Nevertheless, I never looked at that brand of potato chips ever again in the same way. It also didn't help that the chips I was eating was garlic flavour, which means that the smell OH THE SMELL provided a scintillating addition to a very inviting image.

(If you'd like to know who that friend was, don't bother. We lost contact right after I quitted French, which was probably all very well because the only thing that I remembered about her was her fingernails. o_O)

Also, if there were a word to describe a packet of Jack 'n Jill potato chips it would be stingy.

If I were a little more vulgar I would say that lying, cheating son of a-- but I'm really not.

A pack if Jack 'n Jill potato chips measures about, let's see, half of your arm. That's a rough estimation from memory, as I don't have the pack with me right now.

Well, then, what about the amount of chips inside the pack?

NOT EVEN A QUARTER OF YOUR LITTLE PINKY.

I swear, for every time I opened up a pack as a kid I felt a burst of childlike, ROARING rage. Hello, if I paid $1.50 for a bag of chips I EXPECT to get $1.50 of a bag of chips!

It would also seem that the number of chips in the packet are seeing a steady decline over the years.

Hence, I can deduce that Jack 'n Jill potato chips operate on a single law of economics:

Market inflation is directly proportionate to product deflation.

1. Lay's VS Pringles

From the amount that NTUC has stocked on its shelves, I can only assume that Lay's is as popular as Pringles. (Ha ha! J'nJ is nowhere in sight!) In fact, Pringles is possibly more popular than Ruffles, the latter of which can be found only outside the doors of NTUC. (Or maybe it's the other way round? Doesn't matter.)

ANYHOW. I do not understand the deal with Pringles. I've tried a couple of flavours: cheese, original (bland!), spicy, barbecue, (hello bland masquerading as barbecue) and probably sour cream if they have the flavour, and I have to admit this:

No Pringles I've eaten so far has spoken to my inner soul. I felt neither a burst of empowerment nor a strong motivation to rob NTUC of its entire shelves of chips. Eating Pringles, in my opinion, is like drinking Coke - boring and bland and should only be attempted if you are desperate for fruit juice. Which is to say, if we went out and ordered drinks I will probably never ask for Coke, unless the waiter tackles me to the ground with a knife to my throat and threatens to cut out my gullet.

Joking.

Seriously speaking, though, I don't like Coke much, and I don't think it's a healthy drink to take at any meals. It's also bland and boring... like Pringles.

Which brings me back to Pringles:

Whoa, baby, have you eaten that thing? (Of course I have, and of course you have.) It's just about the blandest thing I've ever tasted. (Just exaggerating, of course.) That is not to say my scars run so deep that I will scream and die the next time I see one on the shelves, but Pringles is not a brand I will think to crave in the middle of the night, that is, if I have cravings in the middle of the night.

It's something that allows itself to be eaten, and then forgotten about 5 minutes later. Pringles when I am out of chips taste okay. Pringles cans after cans when I am out of chips is not. If there were an excite-o-metre for brands which is judged by how high I leap from the ground, I will say that I will leap only 10 centimetres for Pringles.

Lay's, on the other hand, - I WILL LEAP THROUGH THE CEILING, LEAP THROUGH THE ROOF, LEAP TO THE SKY and pray to God I'll land something soft afterwards.

Here are the top 5 reasons why I love Lay's:

1. Reasonably large packet, can be slightly expensive on average days, but well worth the amount inside.
2. Rich taste and flavour. You can't forget a Lay's after you've tasted it.
3. Strength in its bite. Jack 'n Jill will probably crumble to the ground on one tweak of the pinky.
4. There for you. On the shelves. Anywhere!
5. Its copywriting tells lies and yet it tells them so good.

Example, on the back cover of a Lay's you can find:

Once you experience the big taste of LAY'S STAX© potato crisp, you'll understand why it's the perfect potato crisp for your active lifestyle.

Enjoy LAY'S STAX© potato crisps at the office, around the house, on the go or WHEREVER you are!

GET YOUR SMILE ON!


This paragraph implies that:

1. Eating Lay's is as good as jogging. Now ditch those running shoes and get your ass on the couch.

2. People with active lifestyles eat Lay's. Most of them look like Michael Phelps.

3. You can eat Lay's at the office, contented that your boss won't throw you out for sheer incompetency.

4. You can eat Lay's anywhere and everywhere, including the MRT, where security guards will most likely offer to join in.

5. If however, they become incredibly erratic, you can still eat Lay's in jail, hopefully sharing a bite or two with your cellmates. Both of you will grin happily. Get your smile on!


These points aside, wouldn't you agree that the copywriting does its job brilliantly? It speaks to you as a customer, in a down-to-earth and informal way, at the same time retaining the brand image of Lay's: funky, appealing and likable. It's right next to the nutrition facts too, hence never once emphasising that Lay's have 2.5g of saturated fat, 2.5g of polyunsaturated fat, 5.5g of monounsaturated fat, 15g of carbohydrate and only 1g of protein.

Which is basically saying:

If Lay's is your only diet you will probably die.
However, eat it everywhere if you'd like an active lifestyle!

LIES! I say.

But sneaky, sneaky!


In conclusion, to stop this entry from dragging out more than what it set out to be, I'd like anyone reading this to repeat after me:

1. As a consumer I will be discerning.
2. As a consumer I will eat Lay's.

That is all! And if you're ever so keen to answer, what's your favourite flavour? Mine's barbecue. :)

(Disclaimer: This entry represents entirely my opinion and is hence, judgmental, biased and hyper. It is in no way a representation of yours: go ahead and feel free to disagree.

This entry details what I feel towards certain brands of potato chips. However it may sound like, I hate neither Jack 'n Jill nor Pringles. In fact, I am being a hypocrite and still eating them to this date. I just like Lay's infinitely better. :)

No potato chips was harmed or killed in the making of this entry. A can, however, was devoured.)

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8 Comments:

Blogger Steph said...

I used to love Pringle's sour cream flavour until a friend of mine bought Lay's BBQ flavour from our school's vending machine. It was totally gratifying/awesome/whatever, I'm now a happy follower of Lays. But potato chips are fattening and there are people in my home who'll steal my potato chips when I'm not looking, so I don't buy them often.

November 26, 2008 at 6:58 AM  
Blogger beautyinsleep said...

I'm sorry I haven't been commenting! I've been forgetting to check your blog every so often.

BUT YES. LAY'S >>> PRINGLES

(I don't think I've ever had Jack n' Jill chips.)

BARBECUE IS MY FAVORITE FLAVOR TOO AND AFTER THAT IS ORIGINAL :DDD

November 26, 2008 at 8:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

geez. you should be paid for the review.

i don't really like chips cos they leave my throat really dry afterwards. however i watched "how potato chips are made" on youtube, it's really interesting, and the process is incredibly fast - only a few hours from fresh potato to packaged chips.

November 27, 2008 at 8:16 AM  
Blogger d said...

this was a really long review, hahaha. but potato chips and ice cream are the best!!! and Lays is definitely the best potato chip out there. I can't say I've tried jack n' jill chips but I dislike pringles so yeah..ruffles would be my second favorite. and I only like the original flavor ones. I can't eat barbecue or sour cream and onion or anything like that. they have to be original.

November 28, 2008 at 12:40 PM  
Blogger d said...

So I just read that according to some researcher, "Potato chip lovers are successful, high achievers who enjoy the rewards and trimmings of their success—both in business and in family life."
Chyeahh.

November 29, 2008 at 10:13 AM  
Blogger xinleh said...

So many people love Lay's! So many people love barbecue! Awesome!!

Omg Gigi!! Link plz! No kidding, that is epic.

November 30, 2008 at 9:34 AM  
Blogger d said...

http://www.psychoheresy-aware.org/snacks84.html

I found it on my msn homepage. I read random things when I'm bored. xD

November 30, 2008 at 9:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heard from my lecturer that Pringles from US are literally coated with flavoring, and Sg ones are bland. Not sure about it, coz I've boycotted Pringles for years. Lays a lil on the salty side... Mashed/baked potato pwnz ^^

December 1, 2008 at 4:25 AM  

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